Mommies Say the Darndest Things

Ah, life with kids. A twin mom friend of mine recently posted on her Facebook profile the following things she found herself saying throughout the day:

“Don’t lock your brother in the closet,” “Don’t eat the book,” “Your finger will hurt less if you quit biting it”…….”Did you just scratch off Mommy’s mole?!”

In true Facebook fashion, she got a barrage of replies to this in the form of other “I can’t believe I have to say this” quotes:

“Don’t climb the fireplace,” “Don’t call someone with my phone,” “Don’t eat your shoe,”….. “Did you just stick your finger up my nose?”

“Don’t throw your blueberries on the floor — they’re expensive!” “Don’t eat that fossilized Cheerio,” “Don’t ask to kiss the baby and then hit her”….. “Did you just stick you finger in your sister’s buttcrack?” (These are all mine, and yes, these actually happened)

“Do not lick your sister’s foot again,” “We never touch the kitty there (this one had me cracking up!),” “No, you cannot have a penis.”

“We don’t throw okra,” “The dryer is for clothes, not baby brother,” “Little boys don’t drink coffee,” “Mommy needs to pee alone. No, alone. No, you need to stay outside the door. No…out here.”

“No, you cannot touch his poop,” “No painting the carpet with fingernail polish,” “Quit locking the door when you go to the bathroom and proclaim you need privacy. You’re 3.”

Gotta love ’em. I have to admit, when I envisioned being a mom, I never thought I’d have to say things like “Please stop hitting your vagina.”

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  1. I did not get a chance to comment on the facebook thread but I did have a good mommy saying this week! I had to say "do not put cheerio's up Mary's dress!" (As in Mary mother of Jesus! We have a little doll and when turned upside down her dress makes a nice little cup to hold your Cheerios or at least Lexie thought it did!)

  2. Too funny! Yep, there are a million things I never thought I'd say. Or do….

  3. That is so funny. It is often funny what we say or do that we never thought we would. When Devon was little, I said all kinds of things that are now funny. I know as Cheyenne gets older, those old sayings will resurface along with a whole barrage of others. I love being a Mommy!!!

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