This is why I should just not talk to people

I grew up what I describe as painfully shy. Which I later learned came across to a lot of other people as just plain old stuck up. Isn’t it nice when lack of confidence gets mistaken for snobbery? High school’s fun.

Anyway, I grew out of it mostly, or at least I can kind of fake it. I put on that face, turn on my extrovert dial up to eleven, and face whatever I have to face. I truly believe in the motto “fake it ’til you make it.” I faked it so much that I actually did end up shedding a lot of my inhibitions throughout the years.

I’m still talking about my shyness, people. Get your heads out of the gutter.

But I’ve been out of the work force for three and a half years, and damn if I didn’t lose those skills quickly. It’s like I’ve forgotten to how talk to people who don’t whine for my attention, beg me for fishies, or announce to the whole neighborhood that they “had a BIG poo poo.” And did you know it was brown?

No, these days I find myself taking many a false start, eager to get in there, put on my best face, only to find that I’m out of my league, out of my comfort zone, or no one here wants to talk about my kids’ potty etiquette. I mean seriously, who doesn’t want to know that Claire thinks that pee pee and poo poo are “so cute.” But no matter how adorable the bodily fluids are, there’s always that flash of fear that crosses someone’s face when you come up to them at a blogging event and ask calmly, “YOU’RE WENDI AARONS, RIGHT?????” I swear that woman had a knife by her side for the rest of the day, under the clever guise that it was a cooking event. Genius.

Wednesday I claimed my latest victim, the adorable and lovely Casey Jones from TLC’s Quints by Surprise. There I was, roaming the Costco {she shops at my Costco, y’all!}, and there she was, alone–no cameras, no hubby, and no kids. I couldn’t very well let her enjoy that could I? No. I had to approach. I mean, after all, I’ve emailed back and forth with her husband several times to gather info for some articles I’ve written about the family {and seriously, Ethan is one of the nicest people on the planet}. We’re old pals, right? RIGHT?

So here’s me: Is that?….No….maybe…looks like her… {shoves cereal bar into Zoe’s mouth to muffle the impatient whining as I stalk my latest victim}

Here’s Casey: Hmmmm…..should I get the Quaker Oats, or the Nature’s Valley…that box of 72 granola bars is sure to last us a whole 3 days, right? Maybe 4….

And here’s me: Yeah, that totally has to be her.“Zoe, I’m going in!”  Look at me, I’m just another mom in need of bulk items, casually passing by…not stalking…

And here’s Casey: Wow, lady, thanks for walking RIGHT in front of my granola bar selection. Oh, now you’re stopping? Why are you stopping? Keep moving, Toots, I gots kids to feed!

And here’s me again: {feigning surprise, ignorance, or maybe ignorant surprise} “Oh! Are you Casey?”

And Casey: “Yes!” Crap! Anonymity be damned! I just want to buy granola bars!

Me: “Oh!” Didn’t I already say that? “Hi! I’m Leigh Ann!”

And then Casey: “Hi…….” Do I KNOW you? And why are you sweating?

Me: “Blah blah blah…words words words…..LOVE YOUR SHOW! Words words words…blah blah blah,” {maybe some stuttering and throw in an eye twitch for maximum creepiness.}

Casey: “Oh, well thank you!” Maybe if I look REALLY hard at this box, she’ll get the hint and leave, taking that well behaved and amazingly beautiful baby with her! 

And I just don’t stop: “Well, it was nice to meet you! Enjoy your free time! Hahaha, isn’t it funny how shopping at Costco is free time? Hahahahaha!!!” Could I BE any more of an asshole?

See? This is why I shouldn’t be let out of the house without a muzzle, people. I make a total ass out of myself whenever given the slightest chance. That poor woman just wanted to buy some damn groceries without a camera present or someone under three feet tall tugging at her pants leg.

She was sweet as could be, and if she called security on me, it was probably only in my head, but for some reason my membership card doesn’t work anymore?

We {and by “we” I mean “I”} sometimes forget that we feel like we know certain people because we watch them on TV, or even read their blogs. The quints made the Jones’ like local celebrities. But then when we’re met with that deer in the headlights look, we realize: this is a person. A person who is living their life, just like you and me.

Well, maybe with a few more kids.

 

Have you ever run into someone famous, local or not? Do you think the Jones family has put out a restraining order on me yet?

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31 Comments

  1. I totally get this. I was voted the shyest girl in my high school class. I’m often sure I’m making a fool of myself when I’m really not. My daughter reminded me just yesterday that, “if there are rules that seem to apply to you and no one else in the world, they’re probably not really rules.” This was because I was too timid to make the pictures on my blog extra large because I don’t want to seem pushy.

  2. Hahaha, you’re too funny. And adorable. If I met you, I’d probably go OMG LEIGH ANN!! I’M ALISON!! You know, Alison? I, er, write a blog…….” then scurry off embarrassed.

    I’m sure Casey didn’t call security on you – she was probably real flattered you were so sweet!

    1. I would totally know who you are, silly! I still forget that you’re halfway around the world sometimes and want to meet you at a blogging conference. BlogHer Malaysia anyone?

  3. I’m actually a total extrovert, and am NOTORIOUS for accosting twin moms in stores and asking if they’re in my Moms of Twins Club. My husband just rolls his eyes, but I do it ALL THE TIME. Sometimes they seem to appreciate it, sometimes they look at me like the crazy person that I am.

    However, the more famous a person is, the more of a shy goober I am. When I went to BlogHer in 2010, I did make it a point to go up and introduce myself to some of my favorite bloggers, but that’s about as far as I’ll go.

    When I see an *actual* celebrity, I lose the power of speech. I just try to be subtle when I stare, and then lamely tell everyone I know that I *saw* somebody. I never go up to them or get a picture or anything. I get really caught up in not wanting to bother someone, and not wanting to be a crazy fan-girl, but of course that just means I never get to say hello or get a picture!

    1. I totally get you. If it had been a movie star…no way would I have approached. But I guess that’s the thing with reality show star. The viewers really feel like they know them!

      I accost twin moms in public too. It’s like a secret rule that we have to. I know I would have wanted someone to connect with me when my kiddos were babies.

  4. I had to laugh at adorable bodily fluid. What gets into kids??

    I am also pretty shy in person, especially at big events where there are a lot of people. I guess it’s just my personality — I don’t “hold” a room if you will. So I tend to keep quiet and observe. And I’d NEVER walk up to someone bc I’d be way too nervous, so good on you!

    1. It’s so intimidating, right? I think sometimes I can be “on” if I’m in a group of people that I know, but one on one? I’m no good at that. (Sorry for the late reply. I just fished 3 of your comments of out spam!)

  5. Leigh Ann! Thanks for the real, honest-to-goodness, completely audible LOL!!! And for the record, Casey did not report back to me on any psycho encounters with crazy, stalker-moms at Costco…she said you were a sweetheart! So take this as permission to continue on with your stalker ways…. 🙂

  6. That was super! You and I have discussed this and yes, yes, I have done this on more than one occasion. Remember me telling you about being at that SXSW PBS Kids brunch and introducing myself to Karen from Chookooloonks? Yeah, remember me asking her what her blog was about? Yeah, remember Gigi telling me how horrified she was that I DID NOT know who Karen was. Yeah, I’ve been embarrassing myself since 1990 easy.

    1. Oh yes. But to make you feel better, the ONLY reason I knew who Karen was was because back before I had a million blogs in my reader, I actually would stop by BlogHer.com pretty often and spend some time on the site and follow through to more blogs. A post of hers was featured, so I checked her out! Total coincidence.

  7. Well, while I’ve never really been described as shy (like EVER) I’m known for getting myself into a sitfch where I just can’t find the words. The stutter and eye twitch. Yep. Usually ends with an abnormally loud laugh from me, and an “Ok, then! BYE!!!!!!!!!!”

    I’ve never met a celeb, though if I were to happen up on Joey McIntyre? I’d probably lick his face.

    1. That’s totally how it was. I don’t remember a thing about the conversation except that I didn’t know what to say other than “I WATCH YOU ON THE TEEVEE!” Such a moron.

      Joey McIntyre, huh? He does indeed have the right stuff. 😉

  8. Maybe she liked hearing from you.
    It might have made her day.
    She seems pretty down to earth.
    Not like that “other” mom of multiples who had her show cancelled recently

    1. I’m sure she did, but then again, I don’t know how much she gets recognized. But she was just as sweet as she is on the show. They truly are a lovely couple.

  9. This made me laugh. First, I cannot imagine you being nearly the bumbling idiot that you are painting yourself to be.

    I LOLed at your “and why are you sweating” line. 🙂

    1. I think I get to the “I’m gonna go say hi!” part and don’t think too much past that. You see, there’s no “backspace” or “delete” button when I’m actually talking to people. 😉

  10. I bet she liked your perfectly friendly, non-stalkerish greeting. I for one would love to be famous and greet random people while shopping. Maybe not at the doctor’s office while I’m there for a UTI, but anywhere else is cool.

    I think being a SAHM has made me way more outgoing, which is weird. I’m just so happy to see people!

    1. I became more outgoing through working with the public, where I HAD to work at it, but since then? My skills have declined! But I do like to accost other moms of multiples when I see them.

  11. Oh puleeze, you’re not an asshole. That Casey woman was probably lapping up all the attention! Quite honestly, I woudln’t know her if I stole the honey roasted almonds right from her hands at Costco, so I’m sure she’s grateful for the charming ladies such as yourself who take the time to acknowledge her! Good for you!

    1. Ha, thanks! I’m sure it did make her feel a little good. She and her husband are super nice. But it must be weird getting recognized when you’re just out grocery shopping. I have random moms in my multiples club I don’t know that approach me because they read my blog. It’s kind of surreal. But then I skip off shouting, “I’m famous!”

  12. LOL! Too funny. I’ve never met anyone famous, though. Well, once the local weather guy was eating at the same restaurant as me. But does that count as famous?

  13. I’m sure she was thrilled to have you stammering and sweating in front of her granola bars! Who wouldn’t be?

    I can understand the difficulty of having people mistake your shyness for snobbery, I often have the same problem. It’s funny that I never equated my kids demands for attention with my lessening of social skills. I have GOT to get out more!

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