Dear Santa

Santa Claus Merry Christmas

It’s been a while since I’ve written, I know. I mean, I’m a grown up now, and grown ups don’t really go around toting that they believe in a jolly old fat — ahem, robust — man who flies in a sleigh delivering toys to the world’s most well behaved children. And let’s face it, the adults who find random, unexplained gifts in their stockings or under their trees are few and far between, so you can see how the magic gets a little lost, can’t you?

This year, the feeling of Christmas is getting to me. Maybe it’s the twinkling lights on the tree. Maybe it’s the hustle and bustle of the shopping centers. Maybe it’s the small children in my house who finally “get” Santa and don’t cry when they sit on your lap. But I’m soaking up that magical effervescence and sitting down to write you my first letter in years.

Some might scoff at my list of wishes and say, “Yeah right…the big man’ll never deliver!” But then I remember the year, age 11? 12? when I dismissively jotted down three little letters on my list, sure the item would never arrive. But there on Christmas morning was my very own VCR. I had arrived. So yeah, I still believe a little.

And I have some stuff I kind of need. In no particular order.

Hardwood floors: Now I realize that these may be a little cumbersome to get down the old chimney {note to self: open the flue!}, and the weight of those beautiful mahogany planks may weigh down the sleigh a bit. I’ll also accept delivery in the form of your other ride, the Lowe’s delivery truck. You have my address, right?

A clean house: Having those new floors installed in anything other than a spic and span abode just will not do, as it will detract from the beauty of the woodgrain. But how amazing would they look in a bright, shiny, dust and clutter free atmosphere! Special note: I don’t want a cleaning service. I kind of have issues with people coming into my house. Just a clean house will do, thank you.

Knee high boots: Come on. You know I would look foxy.

New car: Not really 100% necessary now, but hey, this is a wish list right? Don’t know how much longer the old ’98 Tacoma’s going to hold out and wouldn’t it be nice to have a second vehicle option that can carry kids? Okay, fine, I still don’t like to drive a stick. There I said it.

Preschool tuition for two…make that three: I need this.

Mac Air/iPad 2/iPhone 4: I know, I know, that’s a lot to ask for. But Pearl — that’s my laptop, in case you were wondering — isn’t going to last forever. In fact she’s just plain ancient in computer years {shhhhh! don’t tell her I said that. She’s sensitive.} And do you know how infuriating it is to see so many people instagramming and facetiming and taking cool screenshots of their iPhone when I’m stuck with my dumb Android? It’s just plain embarrassing. Oh, and please include the appropriate protective cases for each, or else your pal the Easter Bunny’s gonna be getting another letter verrrrrry similar to this one.

A full night’s sleep: Dude, I’m telling you, it’s been forever. What do we have to do to get this kid to stop waking up just for blanket adjustments? Put her on the naughty list? I’m totally game for that.

Lotto numbers: I don’t want like a bajillion dollars or anything. I’ve seen those train wrecks on The Lottery Changed My Life. Just think of this as a back up plan if you can’t secure the hardwood floors, knee high boots, new car, or above referenced Apple products and we’ll call it even. It might even help assuage the sleepless nights.

 

Oh, Santa. We’ve known each other a long time, and you’ve always come through for me. Except for that time I asked for Pulp Fiction and in a move of obvious self promotion left me a copy of The Santa Clause. Not cool, Santa. Not cool. Now is the time to redeem yourself. Here are some cookies.

 

Merrily yours,

Leigh Ann

P.S. Does Mrs. Claus like cats? If so, we have two presents for her. The one who barfs all the time is Buffy and the one who brings home mangled elves answers to Tiger.

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25 Comments

    1. Right? Hubs said I should ask for a NEW house, but I think with a little cleaning and some nice new floors, I might like this one a lot better. An iPad might help too.

  1. Dear Virginia (Leigh Ann),
    I know you have been a very, very, very, (did I mention very) good girl this year. Your job is one that takes an ocean of patience, a mountain of strength, stamina, resilience and of course endurance and you have done your job well. You deserve all of the items on your Christmas list and I will do my best to fill your request. But until I get them to you (and there may be an installment plan involved) please take solace in the little wet, sticky kisses and cuddly hugs in the night and the warmth of the sweetness and love that is all for you. Merry Christmas.
    P.S. – Mrs. Santa says thanks but NO thanks for the cats!

  2. Well that is an A+ list. But I hate to break it to you- at 4 yrs and 2 months, Hayden still wakes up in the middle of the night needing covers. My tolerance for this is GONE. Nothing will bring out the monster in me like him waking me up in the middle of the night. Which means I turn into a monster way too frequently. I am starting to feel resentment about this whole sleep thing.

    1. I *think* Santa may have come early because I haven’t had to get up…either that or I need to check the monitor to make sure it’s on. 😉 The big girls were such champion sleepers that having to deal with getting up in the middle of the night with Zoe for the past 21 months is killing me! But at least it’s a quick cover up and she’s back down.

    1. Girl, I know you would! I mean, you’re already halfway there, being up in the frozen tundra that is Canadia and all.

  3. I see those knee high boots everywhere, but just don’t think I could pull them off. Plus, I will never purchase “skinny jeans” and those things seem to go hand in hand.

    1. It’s a fantasy, Liz. For some reason I think it would also require putting together some sort of “outfit” and be “fashionable,” and that’s just not my talent.

  4. HA! Funny post! I’m totally with you on these, esp. “I don’t want a cleaning service. I kind of have issues with people coming into my house.”

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