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A Roxanne kiss

One of my favorite things about the de-cribbing is that I can now sit on the floor and talk to the girls, rub their backs, and give them their final goodnight hugs and kisses (twenty times, but who’s counting?) without a crib rail puncturing my intestines.

As I tried to exchange final “goodnight, this is the real deal, I’m outta here, so you’d better get it now” kisses with Rachel, she giggled uncontrollably and tried to move my face in weird positions.

“Rachel, stop it. Give me a kiss and lay down.” (I know, I’m so motherly and sweet, right?)

We leaned in and I gave her a peck on the lips.

“No, Mommy, not like that!!”

“Like what?”

“Not like that!”

“Like what?”

“Not like that!”

“LIKE WHAT???” In the mind of this lunatic, I mean, four year old, I apparently needed guidance in the kissing department. Well four year old, let me give you a few numbers of some people that I’m sure could disagree. Only I don’t have their numbers. I don’t think I even know their names. College was kind of a blur, you know.

“No, Mommy, like this.” She continued to do some weird grabbing of my face, but I still wasn’t sure what “this” was.

“A Roxanne kiss.”

“A whaaaaa?”

“A Roxanne kiss!”

She leaned in towards me, her head slightly tilted, lips puckered, eyes closed, and all at once it hit me. Thanks to the magic of Dreamworks and my letting my kids watch a few too many DVDs, my daughter was trying to make out with me like Roxanne makes out with Bernard not realizing that Bernard is really Megamind. If you haven’t seen the movie, it’s fantastic the first 93 times.

“Uh, oh, honey, uh, we, uh, don’t, uh….That’s not how Mommy and Rachel kiss. That’s how Mommy and Daddy kiss.”

“Mommy and Daddy?!?!?!”

“Um, yeah….only girls and boys kiss like that. Well not just any girls and boys, but more like boyfriends and girlfriends. I mean, boys and girls who love each other. Definitely not boys and girls who have just met at a party and maybe have a few drinks in them and are looking for a good time. I mean, you don’t want to kiss a boy unless you really like him, like really like, and maybe not even until you’re like 18. Or older. And under adult supervision. I mean, I don’t want to watch you kiss anyone, but you shouldn’t ever be alone with a boy until you’re like 35. Are you getting all this?”

I think I drove the point home, don’t you?

 

 

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Leigh Ann Torres
Writer, artist, wife, cook, maid, bookkeeper, mom to twins plus one...all around genie in a bottle, except you only get one wish, and it has to be reasonable.
17 Comments
  1. I remember when my son did this… I thought it was soooo funny (and creepy). I think you handled it perfectly! LOL Wait till you get to explain boys kissing boys and girls kissing girls (Thanks a fuckin lot Katy Perry)

    • You know, I was thinking about the post and my blogged explanation of it and KNEW that to be PC (and to follow my own way of thinking), I should have not restricted it to boys and girls. But she’s 4. That’s another convo for another day. :)

  2. hahahahahaha

    I may have been known to give a lot of extra information like that too!

    • It might work. I used to think that people only kissed when they got married. Or got married when they kissed. But still, they were OLD.

  3. BWAHAHAHAHA
    omg I’m dreading this day!!
    I remember the exact day when my best friend told me her son tried to make out with her. It’s normal.
    And hilarious.
    When it’s not your kid.

    • LOL! I remember hearing a similar story from a friend when his daughter had watched the Little Mermaid. I was kinda prepared, but it still freaks you out!

  4. Hehehe. Ya can’t win. I was kissing boys like that when I was 5, thanks to watching a lot of romance. Ahem. Hehehe.
    also… omg, I have to alternate hugs and back rubs like 12 times before bed. It’s getting out of hand. Lol

    • I bet you were. My mom and grandma always had soap operas on, but for the longest time I thought that when people kissed they got married.

      And YES on the alternating hugs/back rubs/kisses/whatever. Not the mention the straggler in the background doing whatever she wants until one of us can get to her to put HER to bed.

  5. My daughter thinks kissing boys is illegal until you’re “really old- like -18!!”

    I’ve never corrected that belief.

    • That’s how it should be. I have 3. I’m not ready for the barrage of boys and kissing that is going to invade my house.

  6. Perfect. My almost 9yo still finds boys quite gross and says she’ll never marry. Let’s hope this lasts for many, many years!

  7. You might also point out *before* it becomes an issue that it’s not OK to kiss other people at school. We got a note home about that when Daughter was 7. One talk, with some follow-up reinforcement later, did the trick on that one. (She was kissing a classmate that time, but I didn’t think it was going to go over all that well if she tried to kiss one of her brothers at school, so just informed her of the “no kissing at school” rule. She hassles her twin brother enough at home with wanting to kiss him….)

  8. Hahaha – that’s hilarious. Who would have thought Roxanne would have such an impact!

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