One of my favorite things about the de-cribbing is that I can now sit on the floor and talk to the girls, rub their backs, and give them their final goodnight hugs and kisses (twenty times, but who’s counting?) without a crib rail puncturing my intestines.
As I tried to exchange final “goodnight, this is the real deal, I’m outta here, so you’d better get it now” kisses with Rachel, she giggled uncontrollably and tried to move my face in weird positions.
“Rachel, stop it. Give me a kiss and lay down.” (I know, I’m so motherly and sweet, right?)
We leaned in and I gave her a peck on the lips.
“No, Mommy, not like that!!”
“Not like that!”
“Not like that!”
“LIKE WHAT???” In the mind of this lunatic, I mean, four year old, I apparently needed guidance in the kissing department. Well four year old, let me give you a few numbers of some people that I’m sure could disagree. Only I don’t have their numbers. I don’t think I even know their names. College was kind of a blur, you know.
“No, Mommy, like this.” She continued to do some weird grabbing of my face, but I still wasn’t sure what “this” was.
“A Roxanne kiss.”
“A Roxanne kiss!”
She leaned in towards me, her head slightly tilted, lips puckered, eyes closed, and all at once it hit me. Thanks to the magic of Dreamworks and my letting my kids watch a few too many DVDs, my daughter was trying to make out with me like Roxanne makes out with Bernard not realizing that Bernard is really Megamind. If you haven’t seen the movie, it’s fantastic the first 93 times.
“Uh, oh, honey, uh, we, uh, don’t, uh….That’s not how Mommy and Rachel kiss. That’s how Mommy and Daddy kiss.”
“Mommy and Daddy?!?!?!”
“Um, yeah….only girls and boys kiss like that. Well not just any girls and boys, but more like boyfriends and girlfriends. I mean, boys and girls who love each other. Definitely not boys and girls who have just met at a party and maybe have a few drinks in them and are looking for a good time. I mean, you don’t want to kiss a boy unless you really like him, like really like, and maybe not even until you’re like 18. Or older. And under adult supervision. I mean, I don’t want to watch you kiss anyone, but you shouldn’t ever be alone with a boy until you’re like 35. Are you getting all this?”
I think I drove the point home, don’t you?