I got your back, Twilight Sparkle

As far as toys go, we have a little bit of everything at our house with no really large or complete collections of anything. We have buckets of random animals, buckets of Mega Bloks, Little People, dinosaurs, and the ever present box of Completely Random Junk That My Kids Love to Play with More Than Anything Else in the World. Trust me, that title was hard to fit on the outside of the box.

Lately (as in yesterday and today) the My Little Ponies have been the frontrunners for Favorite Toy of the Moment That We Must Carry Around Everywhere, Yes Even to the Bathroom Because Rainbow Dash Has to Go Too.

Aside from the ponies needing to go potty, I couldn’t be more thrilled about this. My Little Ponies were a HUGE part of my childhood. I had a vast collection that overflowed from the built in shelves in my room. There was no devastation like when a pony’s tail came out of her butt and you just couldn’t get it back in the right way ever again.

Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, and Apple Jack all accompanied us on a walk today after Mother’s Day Out. Only it was less of a walk and more of me pulling 100 pounds worth of kids in a wagon, uphill, both ways, but that’s a another ridiculous story for another ridiculous day.

When we got back to the yard we stayed outside so my kids could partake in another favorite activity, Hide Under the Blasted Cedar Tree on the Side of Our House. I sat in the driveway and played Damn I Can’t See My Phone Screen in This Glaring Sun.

Not long into our games a band of 4 kids walked by. I’m terrible with judging ages, so I’m going to say they were Husky Boy, Short Boy, Tall Girl, and Small Girl. Probably all in elementary school or maybe Husky Boy and Tall Girl were in Middle School. But it wasn’t until they were a full house past us that I realized — Rachel had left her beloved Twilight Sparkle and a matchbox car on the sidewalk through which the kids had just walked, blocked from my view by my car. Something told me that toys seemingly abandoned on the sidewalk would not go unnoticed by 4 tweens.

I got up and rounded my car. Yup. The toys were gone.

Oh hell no they did NOT just take my kid’s Twilight Sparkle.

And oh hell yes I DID take off after those kids.

“Hey guys?” All four turned around as I walked toward them.

“Did you just take some toys over here on the sidewalk?”

{general incoherent mumbling ensues}

“There were two toys on the sidewalk over here, a horse and a car. Did you see them?”

{more mumbling} Finally Tall Girl speaks up like the powerful woman she shall grow up to be.

“No, we didn’t take them.”  Unfortunately she lied to my face, that little _____.

This is when I noticed that Short Boy was starting to look a little remorseful, hanging his head and shuffling his sneakered feet under his baggy pants. And really? That skater look is still doing it for the tween girls?

“No,” she repeated. “We didn’t take them.” Short Boy continues his pattern of looking at me and hanging his head. It’s practically on the concrete next to his sneakers at this point.

“Are you sure?” I asked slowly.” “Because they were right there on the sidewalk before you guys walked by, and now they’re gone.” Here’s a little about me: I’m totally non confrontational in the flesh, but I was rocking this face-off. Sure, there were four of them, but I’m pretty sure I outweighed them all put together. And, you know, I knew they took the toys because things just don’t go poof from the sidewalk in the real world, folks.

Apparently they felt my adult confidence in this pony puzzle. I knew being a grown up would come in handy someday. Short Boy turned to his friends, more incoherent mumbling, then he pointed across the street. Where he had thrown poor Twilight Sparkle, leaving her to suffer the insufferable life of a little pony on the street. She’d have to sell her horn on the black market for pennies on the dollar just to earn enough for a day’s worth of oats.  Or she’d just drown in the wake of the street cleaners because let’s face it — she can’t move.

“Ah, you threw it,” I said. (I knew those little turds had something to do with it!) “Well, would you mind going to going to get it for me? It belongs to my four year old.” Something tells me that the guilt of taking from a four year old was lost on these kids but maybe not? He did trot across the street and get it for me. I thanked him and we went our separate ways. I have a feeling they were good kids who were probably not badmouthing me as they walked away.

There’s hope for those little pony stealing jerks yet.

*My apologies go out the the matchbox car. You were just a pawn in this game, a bystander who got caught in the crossfire. I had to let the kids think they won something over on me. But really, I can buy another one of you for $1.

My Little Pony Twilight Sparkle
Yeah, she has a scooter. Because she's a badass. Her helmet is AWOL though, so do not try this at home, kids.


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  1. As my 5 yr old would say “this is hiWARIOUS!” I got your back girl! Be honest, didn’t you feel a little powerful making the kid squirm? I know i did when I got to yell at a kid for throwing dirt “not at” my kids the other day at the neighborhood playground.

    1. I totally felt a rush. I was just glad that they submitted to my authority and didn’t act like little assholes.

  2. Tuff stuff! What has happened to My Little Ponies? Why are their heads so large? Have they become the Bratz dolls of the animal toy world?

    1. YES! It’s like they try to make them all sexy, for lack of a better word! They’re all svelt, with thinner bodies and bigger heads.

  3. That is hilarious!! Good for you for standing up for the girls and getting the Pony back. I remember your plethora of ponies as a child. Cheyenne has Twilight Sparkle too and absolutely loves her but her favorite seems to be Pinkie Pie. We went to McDonald’s today while out running errands and their happy meals have My Little Pony toys in them. She happened to get Pinkie Pie and was so excited! Cheyenne is really taking to the My Little Ponies too! Good job Mama!! 🙂

    1. Oh yes. Lots has changed in Ponyville. It’s not even called Ponyville anymore. It’s Equestria or something like that. Lame.

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