What I miss about working

I haven’t worked in over 4 years. According to my calculations, which are spotty at best since I only have 20 fingers and toes, it’s been over 50 months since I had to get up in the morning, shower, put on actual pants, and head out the door to be all professional and stuff.

I’m not one of those women who always wanted to be a stay at home mom, but I did really want to quit my job and stay home. Ugh, who wants to go to work every day? The kids are just a slight hiccup in my long term plan to lay on my couch and be lazy.

There’s oodles of things I don’t miss about working.  I don’t miss spending my days in a slow and boring workplace that seemed to suck the life out of me one flourescent light bulb at a time. I don’t miss propping my eyelids open with toothpicks, hoping no one would catch me falling asleep at the front desk while I pretended to review account applications. I don’t miss explaining to a full on adult that yes, I understand that you still have checks in your checkbook, but that doen’t mean you have any money in your account. Not kidding.

I don’t miss awkward conversations in the break room. In fact, I don’t miss working with other people. I’m a loner, Dotty. A rebel.

But since my life took this turn to stay at home mom/commander in chief/ignorer of laundry, I realize that there are a few things I actually do miss about working.

Drive Time

Traffic sucks ass, but the only time I really cared about traffic was when I was running late. Which turns out was all the time, but whatever. The morning drive was my wake up time, my zen time, my time just for me before I had to start dealing with the monotany of the work day or the ridiculous problems that ensue when you put me in charge. If Christian and I ever carpooled to work, he would get all creeped out by my lack of usual non stop chatter, and he’d try to coax something out of me. To which I responded, “Shut up, I’m listening to JB & Sandy, fool!”

Working My Brain

Have we met since I had kids? Ok. Then believe me when I say I was once a capable, intelligent, and sharp chick who thought quick on her feet and actually made sound decisions. But my brain flew out the window before my kids even came out of the womb, and I have yet to get it back. One of my employees brought me a $35,000 check to approve in my 7 month pregnant state, and all I could do was look at the check, back to the screen, back to the check, back to the screen like a bad game of Pong. My brain simply would. not. work.

These days I’m lucky if I can form a coherant thought, much less make a decision that will decide anyone’s fate. I had my pediatrician call in Claire’s EpiPen like 4 times before I actually remembered to go pick it up, and even then a friend had to suggest I go to a drive thru pharmacy. Like WTF, genius? And when Zoe gets stung by a bee and her hand swells up? Christian calmly heads straight for the Benedry, while I run around like a chicken with my head cut off screaming, “WHERE’S THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER???”

Writing does work my brain, but I fulfill the role of the flaky artist at a level in which I never did when I was an actual artist.

Getting Dressed

This is so stay at home momish of me to say, but I miss having a reason to get dressed. I miss wearing clothes that didn’t have weird stains on them and that fit properly. I also miss my pre kids pants size.

Passing the Buck — I mean “Delegating”

Come on. What is the point of being a manager if you can’t pass off the crap you hate doing to someone else?

“Hey, can you review these membership applications for me?”

“Could you unpack that shipment of toilet paper that just came in?”

“Oh, hey, can I ask you to alphabatize these reports for me? Thanks, you’re a LIFESAVER.”

Seriously. I may be chief around here now, but there’s usually no one to whom I can delegate wiping a 4 year old’s ass, other than the other 4 year old, and let’s face it — that’ll just end up being more work for me.

Also, I had a ridiculously hard time coming up with delegation examples, so either I really have been out of the workplace for a long time, or I sucked at delegating to begin with.

Lunch Time Nom Nom

True story: When the twins were still tiny, we had to run an errand to the credit union where I used to work. I was beyond excited and said, “OMG! We can go to Hill-Berts for lunch!!!” Christian was all, “Um, okay, why is that so exciting?” And I was all, “Hello! I never get to go anywhere!!!” It was like a field trip for the asylum inmates.

And it’s just been downhill from there.

The Paycheck

This goes without saying. When I quit my job, our income was cut almost in half, while our expenses skyrocketed, thanks to the fact that we were now diapering and feeding 2 babies (hey thanks, breastfeeding discount!). But you know what? Had I had just one baby, I don’t think I could have justified quitting my job, even though financially it would have put us in the same place (or better, since it would have been just one).

And then you probably wouldn’t be reading this RIGHT NOW. OMG it’s like cosmic connection, y’all.

 

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24 Comments

  1. I’ve been home for just over a year now and i miss MANY things about working. I lol about real pants b/c when I sent an email out to my bffs about goiing back to work I said..looks like I have to start wearing REAL pants again.

    1. Ha! I know. I really do miss the opportunity to buy nice clothes. I have no reason to wear slacks these days. I barely even wear khakis. But it is the little things I miss. Definitely not the actual work.

  2. Wanna know what I miss about mat leave? No office politics, no gossip, no one eating my lunch out of the fridge, no piles of paperwork waiting for me in the morning.
    I miss my daughter.
    Real pants are over rated.
    Sometimes I can’t find any because I didn’t do laubdry.
    And clean underwear is always a gamble.

    1. The reviews were great, but they always kind of embarrassed me. Now we get affirmation via Facebook likes and blog comments. 😉 Much better.

  3. I miss the lunch HOUR… Whether I ate or not. I miss the paycheck and quick trips to target to spend said paycheck. I don’t miss reviews. I don’t miss idle gossip. I don’t miss ridiculous deadlines where other’s priorities haven’t taken my off time into account. I miss TV gossip. I miss having a reason to get a new nice top. But I wouldn’t trade any of this for missing out of my kids.

    1. Yes, yes, and yes. I miss running to the store to grab a soda or to the nearby bookstore to grab that book I wanted. I also miss Central Austin.

  4. Do you know the whole time I was in college and graduate school it never crossed my mind that I’d have to work a full-time job for the rest of my life? Even AS I WAS WORKING A FULL TIME JOB while in grad school. I can still hardly believe it every morning when the alarm goes of.

    I’m going to start hanging out at the country club. Find myself someone that’ll let me stay home.

    1. It’s hard to admit being an adult, right? And don’t worry too much about the country club. Just have twins. Unless you want to, like, still be able to buy anything for yourself. Ever.

  5. I love it…I feel like you are in my head through most of it too!! Most days I don’t even like the thought of my former office manager position at an accounting firm (ughhhh), but there are certain aspects that sure sound nice some days. I never thought I would stay at home, always thought I would teach in public schools…life is one crazy ride.

    1. My husband for a long time would ask me if I would go back to my old job if they offered me something big. Nope. More money isn’t worth the feeling of doing something you don’t want to do.

  6. Funny, as always! I fully expected to go back to work full time after i had my son, and did–for a month. Now I’m just a workaholic working part time (believe me, this doesn’t always work out). As much as my husband and I always talk about “when I go back to work”, I’m not sure if it will happen, at least not in the 8-5 way (and I realize how lucky I am for this). It’s funny now when I work a 6 hour day, though…I am wiped and find myself zipping it when I meet friends in the evening who work full time and probably think I’m a total wimp for having a hard time “fitting it all in”.

    1. I agree. I know there will be a time when it makes sense for me to go back to work, but I hope it’s in the manner of what I do now. Just a little more of it.

  7. I miss wearing real clothes. I miss having adult conversations. I miss feeling like I actually accomplished something. But I am also sure that I would be missing a lot at home. If I could only find a job that allowed me to be glamorous, challenged, surrounded by great people, and get paid a lot for two days of work! As the song goes “it’s a nice gig if you can get it” — haha!

    I hear you girl!
    🙂
    Traci

  8. I can so relate! I miss work but I don’t miss work – I miss the adult interactions, so I joined the PTA and became PTA prez in like a year and BINGO – here came all the headaches of managing adults again!

    Getting out to eat for lunch is such a treat that my hubby can not understand – doesn’t he know I’m sick of eating the leftovers????

    Cute post – reading more thanks to Heidi’s suggestion!

    1. Thanks, Rebecca! Yeah, I get tired of PB&J. I know I could make myself something, but that sucks, and who wants to put forth the effort? Now my guilty pleasure is Jimmy Johns delivery.

  9. Ah, the grass is always greener… 😉 I’ve often wished that motherhood gave me a reason NOT to work. But reading this post made me laugh – mostly because I can remember feeling just like you throughout my maternity leave. And that was only four months! So, if I’m being completely honest, I’m pretty sure there’s no way I could hack being a full-time SAHM. God bless you people. That is all.

    Oh, but FYI: Drive time with kids is not your drive time of yore – especially when you’re the head guru of daycare drop-offs and pick-ups. Like me. Gone is my wake-up time, my zen time, my “me” time. Now my peaceful thoughts are pierced by questions and comments from my little backseat driver. “Mommy need gas?” “We go dis way?” “No choo-choo-train!”

    So, yeah… you’re not missing much there. 😉

    P.S. I’m a loner too, Dotty. So, maybe my problem isn’t so much that I don’t want to work – it’s that I don’t want to work with PEOPLE!.

    1. Yup. I like to work (doing something I love), but it gets messy with other people involved.

  10. You had me at “drive time.” My groom used to take a train to Chicago each day. And I would tell him, back in the day, each day, how I would sell one of The Twins or gnaw off my right arm (one and the same, really) to have two hours of uninterrupted veg time on a train. Sigh.

  11. OMGosh I laughed so hard at the fire extingusher line. I may have woken up my twins. I miss some parts of working too, but then I think about being around 28 kids who aren’t mine all day and then I’m fine being at home again.

    Is it bad that I miss Friday happy hour with my coworkers the most?

    1. I do too — back when I could hold more than one drink in me before having to call it a night. 😉

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