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Summer 2012: The Sick-lympics

We don’t get sick around here often, but ever since the Great Car Vomit Episode of June 2012, no one in this house has been completely well all at the same time.

 

The pukies led to the post pukey coughs, which then got all productive and mucusy and yucky, and gave way to my new most uttered phrase, “Cover your mouth,” unseating the former most uttered phrases, “Close the door,” “Flush the potty,” and “Where’s your sister?” Despite my chugging Emergen-C, I came down with a sore throat a couple of weeks later because why should everyone else have all the fun?

 

Enter a seemingly harmless looking eye boogie one day in early July, which turned into full blown OMG PINK EYE for Claire [insert obsessive hand washing here], a could-be ear infection for Rachel, rounds of antibiotics for both, and summer colds for all 3. Also, every time I think about pink eye, I think about that scene from Knocked Up where Ben’s roommates get pink eye from farting bare assed in each other’s pillows. Poop. In the eyes. Ew.

 

Also note this valuable pro tip: If you wake your daughter to give her tylenol before you go to bed, try not to laugh when she can’t open her eyes that are glued shut from pink eye gunk. Because she won’t be able to go back to sleep after the drama of the wiping and the crying and the freaking out, and you’ll have a new bed mate. Payback is a) a bitch; b) getting sick again from letting 3 kids cough all over you for a week; c) of course you get sick on a day that your husband has “meetings” at “work” or “something;” d) all of the above.

sick zoe

So we had to push back our original swimming lessons two weeks so everyone could get well and get the poop out of their eyes. Nothing makes you feel like you are living in a pit of filth like the constant sniffling, hacking, coughing, and eye oozing of sick kids, and now I just want to Clorox bomb my whole house.

 

We were so lucky to really never get sick for the longest time, save the maybe once or twice a year fever when the girls were younger. Even in MDO last year they were only sick maybe twice. And I’m using the collective twin “they,” because yes, “they” pretty much get sick within a day of each other, if not hours. Call it twin germ intuition, contagion, whatever. If this is how we’re going to roll into preschool this year, then it’s going to be a very long year that will turn more into a game of “Who Have We Not Contamination Yet?” It’s like BINGO, only more fun. Or less fun. I guess the only way to find out is to play.

 

So now we’re sick again. Or it’s allergies. Who the hell knows by this point? All I know is it’s something that causes snotty noses and fits of sneezing that again have me shouting “Cover your mouth!” I feel like I’ve won the lottery of germs!

 

And at this very moment my husband is bringing sexy back, mowing the lawn with balls of tissue stuffed up his nose.

 

Stand back, ladies. This one’s alllll mine.

 

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Leigh Ann Torres
Writer, artist, wife, cook, maid, bookkeeper, mom to twins plus one...all around genie in a bottle, except you only get one wish, and it has to be reasonable.
9 Comments
  1. Please excuse me while I scrub my eyes. Repeatedly.
    Now that I’m finished with that, I hope you’re all feeling better soon. Summer sick is even less fun than winter sick. Spring and autumn sick on the other hand…well, they suck too. So I just hope you all feel better.

  2. Ohhh nooo! That’s so sad and icky and then more sad! Passing the wine and chocolate and everything else that’s good from here!

  3. I am really sorry that your petri dishes keep getting everyone in the house sick but I love your telling of it all. If you’re laughing, I’m laughing with you not at you. Pink eye is the worst – if I had a dollar for every time I shouted don’t touch your sister/brother or go wash your hands when it went through our house I could retire. Or not, I guess they’d be no more grown up but at least I’d have a hefty wine fund!

    And if you hubby mowing with kleenex stuffed up his nose no longer does it for you, turn on some men’s water polo.

  4. Why do I itch after reading this?

    So sorry, Leigh Ann. Feel better soon…everyone!

  5. What are you talking about? Everyone mowes the lawn with toilet paper wads in their nose now. I don’t expect you to understand since you have never mowed our lawn.

    Also: *”Who have we not contaminated yet?”

    Heart you!

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