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Anatomy lesson in the pool bathroom

We met some friends today at the pool for some late morning/early afternoon swimming. We twin moms tend to travel in packs. It’s really nothing to us, but the parents with just one or two kids kind of gawk a us as we spill into the pool area with our collective 8 children — SIX 4 year olds, a 2 year old, and a 10 month old — and 3 adults. And all of the gear that goes with.

Being at the pool with 2 other moms means you move to more of a zone defense as opposed to your regular man on man, or mom on kid on kid on kid, which works out well when your kids have to pee every 10 minutes. You gotta go? No? Then why are you holding your crotch? Okay, who else? You? And you? All aboard! Everyone jump on the potty train! 

Taking other people’s kids to the potty hasn’t gotten weird quite yet. We’re all still pretty innocent. Or so I thought when I took Rachel and her sweet friend to the bathroom today and her friend came out of the stall and gave us all a show of her nether regions. Rachel was ever so curious, like she doesn’t have one of her own. Her little friend just stood there, bottoms around her ankles, giggling. The in her little mini Joan Rivers voice,

“You see my TEE TEEEEEE! Hahahaha!”

I was dying. Dying laughing and dying trying not to let them see me laughing so hard.

10 minutes later Rachel needed to go again (see what I mean?), and this time Tee Tee’s twin needed to go.

As I’m pulling up Rachel’s bathing suit (take note: one pieces on kids who need help going to the bathroom are the devil. The devil I tell you!), Tee Tee’s twin giggled, pointed, and spurted in the same mini Joan Rivers voice,

“Haha I see your BOOBIES!”

I ducked my head and snort laughed, like a mature adult would. Rachel just looked down at her midsection, a bit confused. Although we use real words for “vagina” and “penis,” (also I have no idea why I was compelled to put those in quotation marks, like they’re not “real things”), I’ve never taught them the word boobies for fear that they would shout it out in public. You know, kinda like this. When pressed with the inevitable “What’s that?” I always identified it as my “body,” which is generic enough not to embarrass me when they try to yank down my shirt or give my “body” a good squeeze in full view of a restaurant.

So Rachel was still confused as I continued to pull up her suit and hide my laughter, but all bets were off when Tee Tee’s twin yanked down the collar her own sun shirt and yelled,

“You wanna see MY boobies?!?!?!”

OMG, I thought, Please don’t let them see how hard I am laughing!

This is apparently what happens when you have 2 older brothers. It was like a mini anatomy lesson in there, and my Rachel was the naive freshman to her friends’ college senior type knowledge. She didn’t know where to find the library, much less where the town pub was! Next thing I knew, they’d be dragging her to wild parties, getting her drunk on juice boxes, and teaching her about  nibbles and ding dongs!

So I’m going to stick with “body” for now.

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Leigh Ann Torres
Writer, artist, wife, cook, maid, bookkeeper, mom to twins plus one...all around genie in a bottle, except you only get one wish, and it has to be reasonable.
9 Comments
  1. Omg you have me laughing out loud!! So funny.

  2. The only way to make this better is if you had one of the boys in the bathroom with you :). And oh my, I just realized, there will be a time in the not-so-distant future that we will have to be mindful of such things! Yikes!

  3. This is why we pee in the shower. No derobing unless there is #2 involved. But it’s still funny when they get in the shower and squat. LOL!

  4. I would have been dying laughing! So hilarious! W talks about penises and vaginas all the time, but I’ve gotten over the embarrassment :)

  5. I would have been dying laughing! I wish I could have seen this on video :)

  6. We use proper terms too. But it’s becoming harder to avoid her curiosity

  7. Oh my gosh….pool bathrooms are the worst for embarrassing moms! Me at least. Especially when I’m the only adult and have to take all the kids in with me. Also, I pretty much go as generic as I can, but “butt” is a very popular word around here!

  8. hahah! Wait- what am I going to do? Take all the boys to the women’s room? Oh shit! You’ve given me some food for thought here.

  9. I woud die.

    After laughing my head off as you did.

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