I have a budding ear infection right now. My head is filled with the noise of an ear filled with fluid, which makes every loud noise cringe worthy, while prohibiting me from simply hearing my husband speaking to me from across the table.
I feel all out of sorts with this impairment. Akin to losing your depth perception when covering one eye, I’ve lost my ability to truly hear what is going on around me amidst the unshakable noise. And three children under age 5 create a LOT of noise. As I type they are sitting pretty quietly, stringing beads onto pipe cleaners, being all good and stuff, but oh my GOD the sound of the plastic beads shuffling around in the plastic containers as their little hands search for the perfect color is absolutely deafening right now MAKE IT STOOOOOOOPPPPPPP!
This damn infection is a real thing, but in all honesty, my life is kind of noisy right now. There’s so much STUFF going on, and I can’t filter it all. Mornings, kids, meals, husband, Facebook, kids, more meals, parenting, cleaning, writing, disciplining, running, loving, playing, grocery shopping, deadlines, notes, posts I start in my head but never finish. I know, parents of older children, that this is nothing compared to how busy life will be with 3 kids going to 14 different activities per day. I KNOW. But I keep telling myself that maybe then I’ll be organized. Maybe then I’ll claim to know what I’m doing. Maybe then I’ll have some quiet time to tame all the voices telling me to do all the things.
Oh, hey, I’m back. You probably didn’t even know I was gone, but in between paragraphs I put shoes on all my kids, sent them outside, rolled my eyes when they came back in 2 minutes later complaining it was “too cold” (damn Texas lightweights), regulated lots of whining and crying, did a smidge of yelling, denied snacks because you JUST ate lunch, then finally resorted to turning on Monsters vs. Aliens so I could somewhat clean Zoe’s room, start a load of laundry, and collapse on the couch. See what I mean?
My ear feels much better now by the way. Whispers are no longer deafening. The noise in my house, however, still is.
As for the noise in my head, I’m not sure I’ll clear it any time soon. I seem to be taking on more and more, but I’m not gaining any more quiet, kid free time in the day. My boss lady and friend over at Free Fun in Austin just had a baby so I am doing almost 3 times more work for her than usual (she pays me, and the baby’s cute, so I don’t complain). When This Blogger Makes Fun of Stuff decided to close its doors, I was sad, but relieved that I would have more time to work HERE. But then another door opened just as that one shut, and now I’m pitching articles and meeting deadlines. The thing about working for other people, even freelancing, is that you can’t necessarily sit down and vomit out words like I often do here because I haven’t posted in eons and THE PEOPLE MUST BE ENTERTAINED! No, for them I have to think about things, and thinking’s not my strong suit since I had the three small ones who suck all the brain cells out of me.
I’m tired. So very tired. I feel like my brain is on overload. And I unfortunately already know what happens in the season finale of Downton Abbey because I’m a week behind, and the people of Facebook just can’t keep their traps shut.
My idea to emerge this year seems to have taken a wrong turn. On the one hand, I do feel like I’m making great strides in running (I ran TEN MILES on Sunday. TEN!). For a bit I was happy with my writing on this blog, but lately I admit it’s been kinda “meh.” I feel good in my relationships with my friends and fantastic in my relationship with my husband. But other than that, my brain is mush, my house is a stifling mess at every turn, and I’m constantly playing Clean/Dirty Laundry Basket Russian Roulette. Everybody wins! Also, nobody does!
I know that a lot of this discombobulation comes from not having any allotted time for anything. No allotted playtime — it’s always playtime. No allotted email time — so sorry I haven’t responded. No allotted writing time. No allotted reading time. No real allotted time for ME because once I finish what I HAVE to do, it’s 10:30 or 11 at night. And then just to have some sort of connection with myself, I stay up way too late making my turns in Words with Friends, catching up on my favorite blogs, or maybe, just maybe cracking open a book. I miss reading, I really do.
So. Bring it in, Leigh Ann. I’m busy, tired, and pretty much just writing this so I can exercise my brain while my children try to kill each other with wooden snakes. I think I did it JUST to prove that I could. JUST to prove that there are actually words and semi coherent thoughts somewhere in my brain that sometimes actually make it out. I hope you fully appreciate my efforts. Also, appreciate these photos since I feel this is a really awkward ending, and photos of kids make everything less awkward, right?