Happy Easter! Here’s some vomit.

Sunday my Facebook timeline was filled with messages of “He is risen!” and I was like, “He’s not the only one,” as I squirmed in my bed, sandwiched in between a husband and a 5 year old. The 5 year old’s heavy breathing was giving me the worries. Then there was the dreaded “My tummy hurts.”

I knew it was only a matter of time before she blew.

Only she didn’t. She went back to bed, I laid with her, she complained, I tried to console her, since I had no kid friendly nausea medicine. Honestly, I was just hoping the whole thing would blow over. We had plans to attend church with Christian’s boss and then head to a friend’s for Easter lunch/beer drinking. Tummy bugs? Ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat!

And then she did blow. 5 minutes after I went back to my own bed.

I knew it. I KNEW it. I knew I shouldn’t have left the room. I may not have many parenting instincts, but I have a killer vomit radar, and I ignored it.

My husband tried to convince me that she would be okay to go to Easter service. But with my vomit radar fully established, I told him he was crazy. He said it would be fine. I said you’re nuts, there’s no way I’m taking her all the way down south with the chance that she’ll upchuck all over herself and my car. He said pack extra clothes and a towel. I said get dressed, you’re going. Take the other two with you.

So we sat around and watched TV. She took another trip to the sink because she refuses to throw up in the toilet, so thank goodness it was not of the chunky variety. We snuggled up in my bed to take a nap (I’d been up since 5am with her, people), and as soon as I dozed off, she jumped up Β and claimed that she had to throw up again. That one was a photo finish.

See, isn’t this fun? This is fun.

After lunch she was better. I snuck in a nap while they all watched a movie. Call it an Easter miracle. Then Zoe seemed to sense that things were getting boring, so she decided to throw up Linda Blair style. At first I faulted the orange jellybean I gave her, since she happily accepted it, seemed to choke a little, then vomit. All over my feet. Some of it may have landed on the kitchen tile, but mostly my feet.

I was carefully crafting my letter of complaint to the jellybean company insisting compensation for 1/4 cup of vinegar I used to mop my no longer pristine floor and the emotional trauma of having to smell partially digested Annie’s mac and cheese when she walked up to us an hour later with a strange look on her face and her tongue half sticking out of her mouth. Christian had the good fortitude to yell, “She’s gonna blow!” and I ushered her to the toilet where she gripped the seat and aimed like an old pro. She’ll make a good college student one day.

So that was our Easter. No church, no lunch with friends. Instead of the swanky outfit I had planned (a rare occurrence for me), I wore the tank top and shorts I slept in. I’m still wearing them, writing this post. You’re welcome. But at least a few people got to dress up today.

What Easter photo is complete without an elbow to the face and a photobomb from a vomiting child?
We let her out to join in on the photos. Are you kidding me with this pose?
Peace out, y’all. I gotta go throw up now.

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24 Comments

  1. That’s rough. In fact, I think that’s worse than my mom spending the morning of Mother’s Day in the emergency room with me.

  2. Wow, you’re so nonchalant about vomit. I would’ve been outta there at the first inkling that it was a possibility – my maternal compassion battles mightily with a major vomit phobia. My mom always told me I’d learn to deal with vomit when I had kids of my own, but so far it hasn’t happen. So, I usually ask my husband to handle everything from the vomit cuddles to the vomit clean-up while I, in turn, make myself sick worrying over whether he and I are going to get sick. It’s ridiculous and irrational and slightly crazy and I know it, but I can’t help it – it’s just my psychological reaction to barf.

    1. Kristin, I shine as a parent in times of vomit for some reason. I hate the misery seeing my kids throw up, so I magically become ultra compassionate and patient. It’s a vomit induced gift.

    1. Back to school today, but we only go twice a week. I think Wednesday will be a good day for you!

  3. At least she’s classy! My son threw up too, but that was from too much chocolate.

    When my kids complain of stomach upsets, I put a hot water bottle to the tummy and mint smelling tiger balm on their forehead. At least they feel like I’m doing something. So helpless when it’s a stomach flu.

    1. That’s a good idea. I did feel so helpless not being able to do anything to make her feel better.

      I imagine throw up from too much chocolate isn’t fun either. πŸ™

  4. So sorry, what a way to spend Easter. You had such good intentions, but Easter is all about “the” sacrifice. And as a mom you also gave a small sacrifice, but that is what we do for those we love, just as He loved us. Just another way to perceive your Easter day and put it into perspective. You’re a great mom, have a chocolate Easter egg on me. I’m glad it only lasted a short while. Love you.

  5. I seriously cannot get over your vomit-palooza. Especially since she really, really does look so cute and healthy in the photos πŸ™‚

    You’re a stronger mother than I. I am dreading the day we finally experience real vomit in this house- I have the radar too and it went bonkers the one time we had a snot type barf. I dread the real thing. Hope y’all are feeling better today.

    1. She was practically back to normal in between episodes, which is why my husband was fooled into thinking she would be okay to go to church. So glad I knew better (I’d been fooled before and ended up with vomit in the car on the way to a bday party).

      I don’t know why, but I really shine as a mom in times of puke. I think I feel so bad for them that I become uber compassionate and calm. Wish that was all the time!

    1. She was seriously running in circles and playing like her normal crazy self right after puking. Then she’d lose her energy, head to the couch, and lay around for a few minutes before another episode hit her. So deceiving!

  6. Puke is so gross and I totally agree with your daughter…puking in a toilet is disgusting. Unfortunately, if you don’t have a throw up bowl ready (yes, we have a designated throw up bowl), it is the only place to go. Well, unless there are feet in front of you. That’s way better than a toilet. πŸ˜‰
    All kidding aside, I hope everyone is on the mend!

    1. Each one of them has been super hyper after ralphing. It caught back up to them later. But thank goodness the whole thing only lasted a few hours for each of them!

  7. Bahaha, OMG, those photos are awesome though.

    Ya didn’t miss anything at Church anyway — it’s the same re-run every year. I’ve got the words memorized if you need any ;p

    1. Ha! I was kinda bummed because it was our first time going since we got married. And an invite from his boss. Oh well.

  8. Um… sorry? I hate it when holidays get ruined by sickness. It’s happened to us a few times. And yes, usually the good beer-drinking ones. Like Independence Day.

    Love the sicky photobomb!!! πŸ˜€

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