you have 23 seconds

So I was formulating this post in my head, all about how summer is killing me, my house is a mess, and I have absolutely no free time, but I was like, Hey, wait. I’m going to sound like a whiny little snot, because I just wrote about summer the other day and how much it was exhausting me. And then I realized that that post I “just wrote” was THREE WEEKS AGO.

So yeah. Summer! *jazz hands*

I don’t know how to explain all of the complicated thoughts and feelings that go along with having my three children home with me all day, every day. I mean, I’ve done this before. But they’re all so loud, and need all of the things, all of the time. So mainly I think “HOW IN THE HEAVENS DID I DO THIS FOR 5 YEARS?”

About 2 weeks into summer, the girls finally learned to sleep past 6:12 am. They usually play in their room for a while, which lets me doze a bit. Sometimes they’ll come tell me they’re hungry and want breakfast (every day with the breakfast!), but if we have bananas, I can stretch that doze out another half hour or so. Basically I’m setting myself up for a very rude awakening once late August rolls around. Look, schools, if we can put “make your own breakfast without dumping Cheerios all over the floor and then crunching each and every one of them, and please don’t spill the milk, thank you very much,” on the curriculum, I would totally sign off on that shit.

Anyway, since this post seems to have a serious lack of direction, I’ll talk about my own serious lack of direction. AKA I can’t figure out how the hell to arrange my days so that I a) get all children fed, clothed, and maintain the appropriate balance of educational stimulation and brain rot, b) keep the house from imploding in a heap of haphazardly strewn couch pillows and mildewy beach towels, and c) get at least 5 minutes in which no one is touching me, calling for me, or even thinking about touching or calling for me in any form or fashion. Writing is at a minimum (it’s 11:24pm and I have an early doctor’s appointment tomorrow, so I hope you are enjoying this ridiculous post). By the end of the day it’s all I can do to stare blankly at Facebook or say, “Sure, honey. Let’s watch three episodes in a row of Breaking Bad.” And then I hit the sack and read a book or play Two Dots on my phone until the book or the phone hits me in the face, and then I turn the light out and fall asleep within 3 minutes.

So, I don’t know, if you have any fool proof methods for, you know, getting shit done when you can’t focus on anything for more than 23 seconds, well, I hope you can tell me in under 23 seconds. Otherwise, I may just see you in September.

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  1. Yeah, I don’t know how you do it either.
    I’m so glad my kids have year-round school. Half-days only but STILL.
    The only way to get shit done? Wake up before they do. But that’d mean you don’t get any sleep. There’s no winning here, is there?

    1. Ugh, I actually brought that up last night when I was complaining to Christian. If I got up at 5, I could get a good 2 hours to so in. But holy crap, that will not be fun.

      Goes to show how dedicated I am, right?

  2. I hide out in my computer screen ’til noon every day and then shuffle things around the house until 4 or so and attempt to make dinner out of a box of noodles and a can of cream of chicken and some frozen peas. Sometimes I tell myself that I’ll go grocery shopping, but that takes planning, man. Oh, look. it’s almost noon. Summer!

  3. I forgot I even have a blog. I can’t believe I thought maybe I could write twice per week in the summer. I’m an idiot. I have family coming tomorrow and desperately needed to clean my filthy house today so I let my 2-year-old watch a full length movie for the first time. And she actually sat through the whole thing. I felt guilty but was also weirdly proud of her. This was all before 9 am. Then she didn’t go to bed until 10 pm as payback. Hang in there.

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