It’s safe to say that Twitter, at least for most of us bloggers, isn’t the same as it used to be. The days of sitting around on Twitter, chatting with our friends, while our kids napped or ran circles around us or unrolled 8 rolls of toilet paper, but it’s okay because the 6 minutes of quiet were totally worth it, and that’s why you recycle anyway…well those days are over, at least it seems so. I look at my twitter stream now, and all I see are tweets that link to posts I’ll never read, tweets that link to Instagram photos I won’t look at, and tweets that link to Facebook status updates, which is seriously the most annoying thing in the world.
And then I went in and looked at my own twitter profile, and guess what I saw? Tweets that link to posts I have written, tweets that link to posts I have read, and tweets that link to Instagram photos no one ever looked at. Twitter has gotten insanely boring, and I’m part of the problem.
So I’ve been trying to chat it up more there.
I’m not sleepy. Why am I not sleepy? Make me be sleepy.
— Leigh Ann Torres (@latorres) September 28, 2014
No one replied. Which helped, I guess, because then I just kinda, you know, went to sleep.
My garage smells like rotten broccoli. Possibly dead squirrel. — Leigh Ann Torres (@latorres) September 29, 2014
I could tell by the way that time seemed to stop twitter-wise, that everyone was concerned. I mean, was my house infested with cute, furry rodents, or did my garage freezer go kaput? I felt the need to clarify. I mean, dead squirrels happen, but I can’t have the neighborhood association thinking I have unsafe food handling practices.
Definitely leaning towards dead squirrel. — Leigh Ann Torres (@latorres) September 29, 2014
…And few things are worse than burnt popcorn. Later I went out to open the garage doors and air out the stench, but….
Good news! The dead rotten squirrel smell is gone from the garage. That’s the fastest decomposition I’ve ever witnessed.
— Leigh Ann Torres (@latorres) September 29, 2014
To which someone replied “Texas heat FTW!” Seriously.
There’s a fly in my bathroom that I’m pretty sure is Jeff Goldblum.
— Leigh Ann Torres (@latorres) September 30, 2014
— Spider (@YungSpiderNigga) September 30, 2014
And with that, my Tuesday was complete, at least until the ebola virus started breaking out on Facebook faster than it ever would if we were all hanging out with the infected.