coming home and getting real

new york city central park

I have always wanted to go to New York City. But I was also terrified to go to New York City. As I packed my bags and wrestled with sleep, a nervous ball settled in the pit of my stomach and wouldn’t leave, like when you’ve eaten too much queso, except that’s ridiculous because there’s really no such thing as too much queso.

It would be easier to just not go.

We paid for your trip. You’re going, whether you like it or not.

Fair enough.

Travel itself doesn’t scare me. I like flying, and the people-watcher in me loves a good airport (side note: LaGuardia is NOT a good airport. It’s the asshole of all airports.). What made me nervous was being in a huge, scary new place. I get anxious about figuring out how to get from the airport to the hotel. Cabs, Lyft, Uber, creepy guys in suits who try to lure you into a parking garage. The sometimes optimist in me who tries to always see both sides of the story turns into a hardened cynic, totally certain everyone is trying to take advantage of me. No, I do NOT want a Rolex at good price, dear sir!

But I got a cab, thanks to the blogger I met at the airport who remembered there was a magical taxi stand around the corner that no one else knew about. I made it to my hotel, met up with my friends, and exchanged hugs and squeals. It all worked out fine and no one tried to mug me.

Last year, 2014, was my first BlogHer conference. I met a lot of people I had only known online. It was fun and surreal and exciting, but I felt like the in-law at a huge family reunion, following around my friends and allowing them to introduce me to people. I left the conference happy and full and very, very tired. That 2 hour time difference from central to pacific is no joke.

But 2014 me didn’t feel like the real me.

At BlogHer ’15 my friend Angela and I came across a booth in the expo hall for a company called My Intent, displaying simple and cool washer necklaces and bracelets. Pick a word, they said, a word that you love, a word that defines you, and we’ll stamp it for you.

my intent bracelet

I chose the word REAL.

Much hemming and hawing went on over this decision, and full disclosure, it only came to me because I found myself walking behind directly someone with the phrase REAL FOOD on the back of their t-shirt and my first thought was Hey, I like food!  But then my second thought was Hey! Real! That’s my word!  Because if life has taught me anything, it’s be yourself, and also to always go with the second idea that pops into your head.

This year, I felt REAL. I was myself. I felt comfortable.

I felt at home. At the conference. In the city. With my people.

New York City allows you to be another person, or at least another version of yourself. In New York City I was the version of myself that didn’t hesitate to run up and hug someone I’ve only met online. I was the version who made midnight runs to Ray’s Pizza, sitting and cackling with my girlfriends about sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll. I was the introvert who loved hiding in a sea of faces in Times Square. I could have sat for hours and just watched all of the amazing people passing through. Like this guy.

new york city gladiator boa constrictor times square


I’ve always strived to be real. But sometimes we need a reminder to stay true to ourselves and what we believe in. What I learned last weekend is that these women are creating some of the most important work in today’s media. I learned that I believe in so much more than I put out there. I learned that I stand for more than I vocalize, and maybe that needs to change. And I care so damn much about these people that share this little thing called blogging with me.

radio city music hall new york city

new york city times square

new york city times square

new york city times square


Two of my roomies, Angela and Angela, at our "joint," Ray's Pizza.
Two of my roomies, Angela and Angela, at our “joint,” Ray’s Pizza. Moments like this – laughing, eating, telling stories – are what make BlogHer so great.

new york city love sculpture


Join the Conversation


    1. I can only imagine. I am completely fascinated by the idea of living in the city. xo

  1. Oh my gosh. I want to go!! I love your pics and your word.
    And I would have ran away from that guy. Or, just as likely, fainted in Times Square. EEK!

  2. Real..that’s you my friend.
    And all our hugs, talks, giggles and just comfortable silence was one part of BlogHer15 that I’ll cherish forever. You’re a really wonderful girl.

    I side with Arnebya…is it 2016 yet? 🙂

    1. Being able to sit in comfortable silence with someone is one of the most important things to me. It means it’s real. xoxo

  3. OMG, Angela. STOP talking with your hands.

    I love your word, and you, and I can’t wait to see how you harness this inspiration.

    1. That is one of my very favorite pictures from the trip. It sums up so much of the time we all spent together.

  4. Sounds awesome. So glad you had fun and got to be real, with real friends. Nothing better! Go forth and be even realer. (excuse me while I go put that phrase on a t-shirt)

  5. I totally get that. Even though it was my first BlogHer event, it changed me. It helped me realize I am not articulating exactly all that I am on my blog or in life. I got lost in a sea of others and felt right at home for what might have been the first time in my life. I want to go back…

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