Hey, remember that time your sister dropped an empty water bottle on your face, and it hit you just right so that you immediately started screaming bloody murder?
And I was all, “Calm down, Felix, it can’t be that bad”? And then I went over to you and saw that your left eye was already red and swollen?
And then I was all, “Oh, shit!” But I didn’t really say that out loud because I always watch my language around my kids? So instead of saying “Oh shit!” I said, “Hey, let’s go get some ice on that!”
And then I said, “Please stop screaming so the neighbors don’t think you’ve been maimed.”
And then remember how a few minutes later it was looking dangerously purple, so I texted your teacher for a heads up and totally threw your sister under the bus so she wouldn’t think there were unsavory activities going on at our house? Because it’s important for people to know that I don’t give my kids black eyes (but their sisters sometimes do)?
And then remember how a few days later was picture day? And today we got this?
That was fun.
(Also, how much do I kind of love that although she wore her favorite shirt – a Halloween number with a glasses-wearing ghost on the front, even though this was early September – she completely forgot to take off her Ninja Turtle jacket? “Ghostie was hiding.”)