Archive for the fails Category
17
That time I told the doctor she was wrong

4 Nov 2012, Leigh Ann Torres, Archived in day in the life fails

I went to the doctor recently for some side pain.

Now before you up and call me a total pansy, know that it takes a lot for me to go to the doctor. Like I have to be oozing blood, running a super high fever, or pregnant. But then miraculously as soon as I set foot in the office, the bleeding stops, my fever is nowhere to be found, and of course the pregnancy is all in my head.

But this side pain had been going on for a while, and something in the back of my mind was saying it was my kidney, or I was dying. It seemed to flare up when I had drank too much coffee and not enough water (as in EVERY DAY), and it was especially bad on a Sunday after we had enjoyed a few beers while watching the Longhorn game at a friend’s house the night before. I probably did more beer drinking than watching the game, because football’s not really my thing, alma mater or not.

I feared a kidney stone, and nothing screams “You’re an unhealthy mess!” to me like a kidney stone. Only I’m not an unhealthy mess, I’m actually quite a healthy mess, thank you very much, except for the weekly pizza and the mini keg in my fridge, but we won’t mention those (again).

So I finally bit the bullet and made an appointment when the pain and complaining and the crimping of the side to ease the pain and complaining became kind of a daily thing. I was convinced it was one for the record books, and nurses would faint at its girth as they went in to blast it to a million tiny pieces, which would still end up being about the size of golf balls.

Once in the office and minus one urine sample, the doctor — I go to one of those awful chain type clinics, and I don’t even know her name — poked at my side, asked me some questions, and bent me this way and that in the name of diagnosing my ginormous problem. For maybe a whole 60 seconds.

“Okay, yeah…it’s muscle pain.”

Okay, yeah, what???

“It’s muscular. I’ll prescribe you an anti-inflammatory for the pain.” She jotted words down on her little pad while I stared at her like she was insane.

“You…it’s….are you sure?” I gave her my best “I don’t want to tell you you’re wrong, but I think you’re wrong” look. I mean, I watch a lot of Grey’s Anatomy, and there’s always something freaky going on in that hospital. And when they misdiagnose? People die.  ”It just really feels like it’s my kidney, and it seems to flare up with certain, um, causes, and…” She gave me a blank stare. Dammit where is Patrick Dempsey and his empathetic hair when I need him?

You see, this is something I kinda do. I have a pain, or an itch, or a pimple, and I convince myself that I have some rare form of side cancer, skin ailment, or strange, dermatological anomaly. I try to convince myself that “I’m just listening to my body,” but what I’m starting to realize is that my body like to lie to me. Rather, it likes to see how easy it is to get me to believe that I’m about to meet my own demise by way of excruciating side cramps, then it points and laughs at me as I hastily google “chances of death by rogue kidney.” You know, kinda like that time that I thought my daughter’s vagina was about to spontaneously combust, only to find out that she really just had to pee.

Not that I wanted there to be anything wrong with my kidney. That shit gets expensive. Last year Christian went in for what he assumed was a kidney stone (unhealthy mess!), and it turned out that his internal plumbing was defective since birth, causing his kidney to not filter correctly. Had they not caught it, it would have ballooned up and exploded or something. I’m not really keen on the details. But there was an ER, a surgery, a high deductible insurance plan, and MONEY MONEY MONEY which can’t replace his health, but OMG BILLS.

So on the flip side, it’s also kinda one of my fears that something is dormant and terribly wrong with me, and the doctor will just overlook it because she only spent 60 seconds poking me and asking vague questions and my side pain could be a rare form of side cancer that gets better with crimping and bending over and such, or my kidney could be about to explode because my plumbing is wrong too, and how much would that suck and be awesome at the same time, because that would like totally make Christian and I soul mates!

I sensed that these generic anti-inflammatories might be a tad less expensive and less pain in the ass than hospitals and surgeries, but I still felt like she was kinda blowing me off and was all “NEXT PATIENT PLEASE DON’T EVEN CHANGE OUT THE SANITARY PAPER THINGY GO GO GO!” But she gave me a nod.

“Well, if you want to get it checked out, we can send you for an ultrasound.” Which was clearly her code for “Fine, don’t listen to what I think, I’m just the doctor, but let’s go take this expensive test and waste valuable time and resources that are for people who actually have weird side/kidney issues that they didn’t make up.”

And I was all “Thank you!”

Then she couldn’t decide if she wanted to send me for a renal ultrasound or an abdominal one, and she kinda looked at me expectantly like I would know the answer, but I didn’t go to medical school, and she was all “Oh you didn’t? I couldn’t tell by the way you were diagnosing yourself here in my office.” I made a special note to find a new doctor, stat.

The next morning I headed bright and early to the radiology place, where they too couldn’t figure out if I was going renal or abdominal. We finally made a guess and chose the one that would NOT require me to drink 5 gallons of water in 15 minutes and then sit and wait and not pee for an hour.

And so of course (of course!), I got a call in 2 days saying that my ultrasound showed….wait for it….

NOTHING. ZIP. NADA.

I was clean as a whistle. Healthy as a hog. Kidney stone free as a…person with no kidney stones. Plumbing 100% A-OK.

So when I got home and my side pain started flaring up, I popped an anti-inflammatory pill for my so called quote/unquote “muscular pain.”

Which disappeared in a matter of minutes.

*Blink blink*

So yeah. She was right. I was wrong. Damn you, real doctor with your knowledge and your degree of medicine!

As much as I’m glad that I don’t have some weird kidney/side disease,  I’m still planning on finding a new, non-gigantic practice doctor. I may have trouble looking this one in the eye again.

 

6
Because that’s what mommies do?

2 Nov 2012, Leigh Ann Torres, Archived in day in the life fails

I went and bought some shiny new poster board last week in preparation to make a “responsibility chart.” It’s time these kids started earning their keep. For a while there Rachel would get her stool and beg me to let her “wash the dishes,” which was really code for “drench all the things with the fun squirty thing!” I tried to appease her as much as I could, but I should mention that I’m also one of those people who just wants to get things done with little to no help from the 4 year old set. Something about 1 step forward, 2 steps back. So basically my kids aren’t faring well on the responsibility front. Here and there, when its convenient, we have them set and clear the table, empty the silverware basket from the dishwasher, and put away their toys. Convenience means we’re all in good moods, no... Continue Reading
21
Things I do to avoid doing what I’m supposed to do

12 Feb 2012, Leigh Ann Torres, Archived in blogging day in the life fails Me talking about me

I complain a lot that I don’t have any leisure time. Since our days are napless and even movie times result in “I need snack!” and “I need drink!” and that oh so pesky “Sit wit me, Mommy!” I really can’t get anything worthwhile done during daylight hours. So at “OMG they’re finally in bed” o’clock, I have to get to work. That means housework (bare minimum, folks), blog work, budget work, or honest to goodness actual work, like for money and stuff. I rarely crawl into bed before 11:30, and I never shut my brain off before midnight. Sometimes I get a little resentful of some of the people loafing around all evening watching the DVR with their loved one. I don’t even have a DVR, and the only TV watching I do is online and reserved for laundry folding. Don Draper and I are the ultimate multitaskers. He... Continue Reading
0
The Ultimate House Cleaning Checklist

25 Jan 2012, Leigh Ann Torres, Archived in blogging day in the life fails Me talking about me motherhood

I wonder…Are you one of those people who has it together enough to clean your house every day? Or do you feel like you’re constantly fighting a losing battle? Today I’m honored to be featured over at Wonder, Friend. Missy just revealed her shiny new site design and a new guest posting series, and I am ecstatic that she asked me to be her first. Guest poster, that is. Missy is one of those writers with whom so many of us can identify, because she’s so real, honest, and has the dry sense of humor that I absolutely love. I think we must be a little like long lost blog mates, because it seems like everything she writes is so in tune with what I’m currently thinking or feeling. Often I think I could have written her posts myself. Only not as well. And bonus? I’ve had the pleasure of... Continue Reading
10
A Christmas mixup

29 Dec 2011, Leigh Ann Torres, Archived in day in the life fails Me talking about my kids Twins

Last week my family came from Dallas to visit for a little pre Christmas celebration. We opened gifts, had a marvelous Christmas dinner {cooked by ME}, and went downtown to view the huge tree of lights at Zilker Park, where we promptly froze our asses off and barely stayed long enough to snap a photo and snag a bag of freshly popped kettle corn. And the kettle corn? WORTH IT. My three girls and their 2.5 year old cousin had a blast opening gifts while the five adults screamed obscenities like, “Oh! What did you GET?!” or “WOW! Look at THAT!!!” and “Isn’t this FUN?!?!” In a rare moment of free hands, I grabbed my camera to document the magic of Christmas. Or the magic of my kids’ heads since no one ever looks at me for a photo EVER. So in the midst of “Open THIS one!” and “Hey,... Continue Reading
22
Rules 17: Expect Misunderstandings

11 Dec 2011, Leigh Ann Torres, Archived in day in the life fails Me talking about my kids motherhood

The winner of the Julie Anne Rhodes membership is below! Was it you?     This is part of an ongoing series chronicling my attempts to regain a bit of my sense of self, and my sanity, by implementing Elizabeth Lyons’ 32 Rules that Sustain a (Mostly) Balanced Mom. Subscribe to my RSS feed to follow my experiment, and check out the rest of the posts in the series! We had quite the experience on Friday. Misunderstandings are commonplace around here with two three year olds and one not quite two year old. There’s things they repeat even though they really don’t know what they’re saying, like, “Mommy, you made me mad! That’s dangerous!” Although I have to agree, making a three year old mad can be quite dangerous. Then there’s lovely conversations like this: Me: “Wow! Look at all the fog outside!” Claire: “Where’s a frog?!?!?!” Me: “No, not frog, FOG. It’s... Continue Reading
31
This is why I should just not talk to people

1 Dec 2011, Leigh Ann Torres, Archived in day in the life fails Me talking about me

I grew up what I describe as painfully shy. Which I later learned came across to a lot of other people as just plain old stuck up. Isn’t it nice when lack of confidence gets mistaken for snobbery? High school’s fun. Anyway, I grew out of it mostly, or at least I can kind of fake it. I put on that face, turn on my extrovert dial up to eleven, and face whatever I have to face. I truly believe in the motto “fake it ’til you make it.” I faked it so much that I actually did end up shedding a lot of my inhibitions throughout the years. I’m still talking about my shyness, people. Get your heads out of the gutter. But I’ve been out of the work force for three and a half years, and damn if I didn’t lose those skills quickly. It’s like I’ve forgotten... Continue Reading
22
Zoe tweets for #vlogtalk

17 Nov 2011, Leigh Ann Torres, Archived in day in the life fails Me talking about my kids

Zoe’s nickname is the Honey Badger. She’s fearless. Leaps tall playscapes in a single bound. Flies down the highest spiral slide she can find, pointing and laughing at the little “babies” on the smaller structures. She mocks the dog with her threats to throw small, sharp toys at him. She gives the cat a kiss, then yanks his tail. Honey badger don’t care. But Monday? I caught her doing something really naughty. See for yourself. She could have at least used her own twitter account. Tweet... Permalink
27
Week in My Life: Thursday

13 Oct 2011, Leigh Ann Torres, Archived in day in the life fails Me talking about me Me talking about my kids motherhood

This week I’m participating in a Week in My life with Melissa over at Adventuroo. Read more about the project here.   Oh, Thursday. One day closer to Friday. Today we had plans to meet up with a twin friend at a local park. She was going earlier than we normally do, to a park that I don’t usually go to on my own. It’s a great park, but it’s huge. I was hoping that the shiny new playscape would keep them from running off too much. I know. I’m so naive. Here’s a play by play of how it all went down.   Arrive at 9:20ish and locate friends. Halfway into my 1st sentence to friend, I get interrupted with “Mommy I need to go potty!” from Rachel, then discover Claire lingering by the men’s room saying it’s “scary.” Kids, this is why we go before we leave the... Continue Reading
18
Organize This

5 Oct 2011, Leigh Ann Torres, Archived in day in the life fails Me talking about me motherhood

Not too long ago the brilliant and talented KLZ from Taming Insanity let out a cry for help on the Twitter. She’s adorable with the antlers, no? AND she’s about to welcome her second son into the world, so I can see why she wants to get a head start on the organizing bandwagon. So naturally, like any good tweep would, I rose to the occasion for my friend. Well, in reality, it’s more like I kind of stalk her, but whatever. She needed my help. Because I? Am an organizational maven. MAVEN I tell you. Sorting, color coding, organizing, labeling, you name it. I love it. Exhibit A: Behold, the “under the mobile island craft extravaganza!” Gotta keep those craft supplies neat, tidy, and organized so you can whip up a project in no time! Here we have everything your little artist could ever want or need: 1. Spray... Continue Reading
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