So this happened.

I feel like for the past several weeks I’ve been so focused on the fact that preschool will soon be out and the kids will be home with me all day every day, that I’ve completely glossed over the fact that Tuesday was their last day of preschool. EVER. And after this summer of sweating our asses off and likely driving me crazy, I will have full fledged kindergarteners, and soon they’ll be gone all day every day, and I’ll miss them and have I really made the most of these past 5 years home with them, and now I’m about to vomit.

I’m going to be a mess on the first day of kindergarten, y’all.

Everyone says it will be great. They say I’ll be sad for about a day, then I’ll bask in some freedom. This is what you’ve been waiting for, Christian says. And he’s right. I’ve been waiting for the day that they start kinder and we’re not in each other’s faces all the time. I’m a better mom when we all get a break and some space from each other. But can’t they go to kindergarten without growing up? Shouldn’t there be an intermediary step between 2 day a week preschool and 5 day a week kindergarten? Post-preschool-almost-big-kid-but-not-quite-because-mommy’s-not-ready school? (If you answer 3-4 day a week preschool, then yes, thank you, and I will send you the bill. Times 2.)

I’m nervous about them being gone. I know I’ll miss them. I’m sad that they shook their I don’t wanna go to school phase like two weeks before graduation. I’m afraid they won’t like big kid school. I’m afraid they’ll miss preschool. I know they’ll be exhausted when they get home. I’m afraid they’ll use up all their good behavior at school and leave the nastiness for me.

I fear I will never get them there by the ass-crack of dawn time of 7:45 in the AM. Seriously? 7:45? 7:45.  Yeah.

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I started crying immediately after I walked out of the church this morning. I was dropping them off at preschool for the last time. EVER. Can’t we just stay in this phase?  I asked Christian. Preschool is so fun! Cute crafts, fun games, no real responsibilities. I was a blubbering mess all morning, and racing around town to procure teacher gifts was a welcome distraction.

The pre-k kids got to choose from a list of careers to dress up as for their segment. As completely no surprise to me Claire chose a ballerina, and Rachel chose a baseball player – both such perfect representations of where they are in their preferences and personalities right now.

Zoe played the part of the grumpy 3 year old.

OMG waiting is so. hard.

Kindergarten will be an adventure. A new phase. I’m apprehensive because I know that once they’re in school, they’re IN SCHOOL, and things will never be the same again. There really is no stopping the growing up now. I miss them already and they haven’t even left.

Awkward smiles, everyone!

Whew! All this graduating is hard work, yo.

Take heed: You haven’t really lived until a 5 year old cups your boob and you don’t even notice. Also, hair? What is the matter with you?